Is it better to stay silent, friend?
Feeling blue... Wondering about the meaning of "focus on what you can control"...
Hello there,
Feeling blue tonight, after a few nice productive days.
Since the killing of Nahel in Nanterre, so near to us, I've been feeling really poorly, and so anxious, and I've realised that most French people are still not ready to speak about it, engage, empathise or care.
Luckily, I know a lot of concerned people, people who have experienced racism, and people who have experienced it here in France.
But with the others... Silence.
If not this advice: "Don't focus on what you can't control..."
Like we choose to "focus" on it. Again, that narrative.
Do I reply to these friends, when they reach out crying that their garden has been messed up by the bad weather, or their property doesn't sell quickly enough, that they should focus on "what they can control"?
I don't, but maybe I should...
Meanwhile, no one is listening.
When the Colston statue was toppled in Bristol in 2020, during a Black Lives Matter protests, we all got to talk about the issue constantly for weeks. And not only about "blackness" or slavery, but about colonialism, history and their consequence on our daily lives. About systemic inequalities.
Here, now, in Paris, in France, what do I get?
Denial, silence, disinterest, distance, blame...
So I turned to my "other" best friend, YouTube.
Here is a useful short video, and advice for privileged people: Do get interested in history, and ask your friend 'how are you doing?'
Is it better to stay silent? The American white journalist asks.
No, the counselor says...
Wouldn't you have guessed? Seriously...
Anyway, if you need guidance, here is a suggestion where to start.
Thanks for reading,
m
Counselor advises white people on talking with black friends about racism
"You should be able to take some bitterness, and it is not about you, but about discrimination that has been around for years and years"...
A few more tips with this reading/watch list:
White silence on social media: Why not saying anything is actually saying a lot (short video)
“The uncomfortable reality of talking to my white friends about George Floyd”
Book: ‘The Person You Mean to Be - How Good People Fight Bias’
“An inspiring guide from Dolly Chugh, an award-winning social psychologist at the New York University Stern School of Business, on how to confront difficult issues including sexism, racism, inequality, and injustice so that you can make the world (and yourself) better.”
“In ‘White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk about Racism’, Robin DiAngelo deftly articulates the need for white people to understand and discuss racism by showing how all white Americans share complicity in maintaining racism as the bedrock of US society. The book should encourage white people to intentionally take steps in their own lives to dismantle white supremacy, confront white privilege and deconstruct the racist structures that underpin society,” writes Chelsey Dennis.
When, in 2020, Yannick Noah, the last French winner of a Grand Slam tennis title, lashed out at "the silence" of his white compatriots over racism.
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NB. We’re going to another peaceful protest march on Saturday 3 September in Paris.
If you’re tired of being a silent friend, you can always change, gather your strength, reach out, say something kind, and perhaps even join us.